i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
