That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
