Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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