She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
