I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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