How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
