please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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