I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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