I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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