he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
