Just fell off a train. Bad.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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