I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
