tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You were trust falling into bushes
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
