and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
