I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
