Umm I'm too high to move.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
