he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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