You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
