I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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