I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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