she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
