You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
