I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize