I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
