Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
