those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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