The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
