can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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