I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
