I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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