I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Life is so much better after having sex.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
