I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
