i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
