Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Boobs speak an international language.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
