I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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