The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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