if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
