eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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