But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
You left your phone here
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