Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
