My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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