We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
