you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
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