you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
