nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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