We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
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My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
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This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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