Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
