Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Randomize
