fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
