I faked an abortion last night.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
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he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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