What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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