is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
