I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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