i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
