Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
