I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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