boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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