i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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