Barsexuality is the new black.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
