So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
