My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
