WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
