Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
