You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
