I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
either way he was missing a nipple.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
