Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
