Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
