guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
