Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I'm having to shit out rocks
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
