Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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